the ill-tempered cavalier ([info]gillen) wrote,
@ 2005-12-04 01:47:00
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Batman is such a dick!
So, in a recent Batman, there appeared a snippet of dialogue which has gained instant fame among his fans (and, I dare say, the detractors) for being quite possibly the worst and least Batman-like comment ever uttered by the Dark Knight Detective - and that's saying a lot. It's not even cheesy bad, but just "Jesus, what the hell were you guys thinking?" bad.

The line is "What are you, dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Batman."

Don't believe me?



All Star Batman and Robin, The Boy Wonder #2 (Frank Miller)


So, the idea was this: seeing that Bruce is obviously more comfortable expressing his utter prick nature now, what other classic Batman appearances can this little gem be inserted into for fun and profit?

Yes, I am that bored.


Taking the mickey out of Clark and Diana at the end of Kingdom Come




Dumping on the Boy Wonder again in a cheezy 1970s 'life with Bruce and Dick' scene

(You know, I'm sure Child Welfare Services would love to hear about the emotional abuse that Bruce Wayne puts his young ward through. And then there's all those mysterious bruises...)


I was really hoping to find a good spot in Killing Joke, Year One or Death in the Family, but so far? Nada.

Lord, I should just go to bed...

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[info]dafnap
2005-12-04 10:36 am UTC (link)
Made. My. Night.

I'm going to print that Kingdom Come one out and then hold it close to my heart for a very long time. I just want you to know that.

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[info]gillen
2005-12-04 06:19 pm UTC (link)
Careful! Paper cuts. ;)

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[info]grendel001
2005-12-04 10:42 am UTC (link)
the thing that brings realy tragic comedy to this is that its fucking FRANK MILLER, one of the true comic golden children.

my god, its amazing. i think it really takes a true genius to write the things he's done lately.

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[info]phoenix_riddle
2005-12-04 06:11 pm UTC (link)
I'm really disappointed that All-star Batman and Robin has become a big joke in comic books. Thankfully, Morrison and Quitely's </i>All-star Superman</i> is fucking terrific.

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[info]gillen
2005-12-04 06:17 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, now whenever I mention Miller as one of the undisputable gods of the industry and the definitive vision for Batman, some punk always throws that line back. Jesus, Frank. Were they not paying you enough? Didja just want to kill the franchise? What?

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(Anonymous)
2005-12-04 06:36 pm UTC (link)
i don't say it to be snide. but i can't think of a thing that he's done in the last five years that hasn't been hilariously awful.

after DK2 i knew all star would suck, but really, i just had no idea i would get a cop killing, robin raping batman.

hey, buy the ticket, take the ride.

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[info]robotman
2005-12-04 11:12 am UTC (link)
Ugh, Frank Miller really is enjoying taking DC for all they got... to bad DC doesn't realized they're being swindled.

Those panels made my night too.

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[info]gillen
2005-12-04 06:12 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, Frank Miller makes baby Bruce Wayne cry... almost as much as Joe Chill.

Oh, no. Batman filk parody warning!

I dreamed I saw Joe Chill last night,
alive as you and me,
Says I, "But Joe, you're ten years dead!"
"I never died," said he.
"I never died," said he.

"You died old Crime Alley, Joe.
The Reaper shot you down."
"That's only in Year Two," he said,
"DC's since come around,
DC's since come around."

"They need me free to haunt Bruce Wayne.
My kind he must despise."
Said Joe "What they can never kill
is what I symbolize,
is what I symbolize."

"From warehouse docks to Gotham Heights,
in Arkham, dark and still,
no matter who the Batman stalks,
to him we're all Joe Chill,
to him we're all Joe Chill!"

I dreamed I saw Joe Chill last night,
alive as you and me,
Says I, "But Joe, you're ten years dead!"
"I never died," said he.
"I never died," said he.

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[info]wertz
2005-12-04 02:59 pm UTC (link)
Why restrict such an immortal line to Batman, though?

Red Meat

This Modern World

Emo Boy


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[info]gillen
2005-12-04 05:39 pm UTC (link)
::sputter::

::wiping coffee off the monitor::

(and that in itself was quite a trick, since I'm not even drinking coffee right now)

Bravo!

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[info]gillen
2005-12-04 07:03 pm UTC (link)

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[info]wertz
2005-12-04 07:27 pm UTC (link)
har!

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[info]ironkite
2005-12-04 06:16 pm UTC (link)
Superman in the original radio play had quite the ego.

And he liked torturing the bad guys. He'd beat the crap out of them, threaten to drown them or drop them from up high... He was a thug!

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[info]gillen
2005-12-04 06:26 pm UTC (link)
Still can't beat Miller when he's hot though.

Thug: NO!... Stay back!... I got RIGHTS!

Batman: You've got rights. Lots of rights. Sometimes I count them just to make myself feel crazy. But right now you've got a piece of glass shoved into a major artery in your arm. Right now you're bleeding to death. Right now I'm the only one in the world who can get you to a hospital in time.
- The Dark Knight Returns, Frank Miller


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[info]dafnap
2005-12-04 07:28 pm UTC (link)
...or anything from Batman: Year One.

We read the hardcover in the shop the other day -Gordon, holding his child to his chest after Bruce, Bruce, saves the day. "I'm practically blind without my glasses you know."

Hardcore. Hard. Core.

Oh, Frank, remember when you cared?

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[info]reverend_s
2005-12-05 03:55 pm UTC (link)
"There are seven ways to disarm a man from this position. Three kill instantly. Three disarm with minimum contact. And one... hurts."

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[info]kotikokura
2005-12-05 02:42 am UTC (link)
It reads brilliantly if you take the whole thing as a parody of way the "real" Batman has been usually been written for the past decade or so.

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[info]meepeek
2005-12-05 03:41 am UTC (link)
Personally, I think Frank started buying his own press, and it was all downhill from there. DK2 sucked. I couldn't even bring myself to read the third installment. It was that awful. If he's writing parody here, then yes, it is brilliant. I don't, alas, believe that he's writing it as parody tho. I believe that he's righting it straight. Which is just pitiful.

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[info]kotikokura
2005-12-05 06:47 am UTC (link)
There's precedent for him writing an over the top, amoral "antihero" to make a satirical point, and frankly, this seems like a better origin story for the current Batman who likes to psychologically torture his young associates than Miller's original Batman who once took a bullet for a cat.

But I don't care all that much about the author's intent. If I'm enjoying the series for all the wrong reasons, and Miller really hasn't noticed that he's writing a Dennis Cooper novel, so be it.

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[info]gillen
2005-12-05 08:19 am UTC (link)
I gotta say though, once you start seeing that line - it's EVERYWHERE!

Maybe Miller's blasphemy of the Dark Knight really is some mad genius idea after all - and soon we'll all be the goddamn Batman.

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[info]reverend_s
2005-12-05 03:57 pm UTC (link)
Most of the so called comic legends end up becoming parodies of themselves, mostly due to beleiving their own hype. Neil Gaimen has always been a prime example of this for me, going from creative and original comic author to the Rock Star Comic Mogul.

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[info]lesingesavant
2005-12-05 03:39 pm UTC (link)
Wow, if you had asked me I would I have said that line read like something out of a Warren Ellis anti-superhero rant. I really won't be surprised if we see the line "I'm Batman, and I've come for your nipples" soon.

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[info]gillen
2005-12-08 04:32 pm UTC (link)
Oh, they're close. As the postmodern era takes its last few swipes before dying it seems to be destroying the boundaries between fandom's canon and slash communities. I shouldn't be surprised if we see the line "I'm Batman, and I've come on your nipples." soon.

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[info]darkspear
2005-12-27 07:38 am UTC (link)
"What are you, dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Frank Miller."

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